I don’t want to die yet.

This blog post has nothing to do with books and everything to do with weight loss. If you’re interested in my fat rolls, keep reading. If not, you can get back to your lovely day.

I want to talk about weight loss because I’m about to embark on a really difficult journey and I want you to join me, or at least yell at me when I try to give up.

I haven’t always been overweight. Most of my life I was very healthy and active, up until I had my first child. I gained about 70lbs. during that pregnancy and dropped very little of it after the birth. I then became pregnant again, and again, and again. In a matter of four years, I was pregnant four times and each time I gained a ridiculous amount of weight.

I started out my first pregnancy weighing 175 pounds, which I feel was a good weight for my height. I’m 5’9”, and while 175 might still be considered overweight for that height, I was very happy and healthy at that weight.

In the last ten years since my last child was born, I’ve fluctuated between 250-285 pounds. I’ve done every diet you can think of, and successfully failed at all of them. At least I’m consistent!

I’m not an active person. 100% of my job requires sitting at a computer. I drink a crap-ton of Diet Pepsi while I write, along with snacking, snacking, snacking.

But here’s where weight issues really bother me. Almost every book I’ve read on weight loss (not that I’ve read that many) discusses how people have addictions to food because of emotional or psychological issues, and in order to achieve weight loss, a person must first overcome whatever causes their addiction to food.

This is crap to me. I’m sure it’s true in a lot of cases, but I think a lot of weight issues are due to the fact that food is good and we aren’t educated properly when it comes to nutrition. A love of food doesn’t necessarily have to stem from a mental or emotional issue. I have a very happy life.

I’m not fat because I refuse to overcome some emotional trauma that causes me to overeat. I overeat because food tastes really good and I freaking love it. And I’m lazy. And I hate working out. Simple as that.

My husband and I both love to eat. He’s not the type of man who has or would ever comment on my weight, so I’ve never felt that pressure to be thin for anyone. I’m not huge into self-maintenance and looks, so the fact that I’m overweight has never really bothered me. When I look in the mirror, I’m happy with myself. Yes, I’m overweight. Yes, I wish I could have a perfect body. But if I have to decide between chocolate and being sexy, I’m going with the chocolate.

I’m overweight simply because I consume too many calories. Because chocolate is good. And eating is fun. And my life is stressful, so when I want to take a break from work, I find enjoyment in food and watching TV.

However, this mindset is going to kill me if I don’t do something about it. I’m starting to feel the effects of the excess weight in both my health and my psychological well-being. When I was 29 years old and overweight, I used the excuse that I could lose weight in the future, before it started having a negative impact on my health. Well…I’m 36 now and I’m still overweight and it’s starting to scare me. I really like my life. I really like my kids. I’m fairly certain I love both my life and my family more than I love food, so I’d like to do something about it before it’s too late.

I have weighed many options, including weight loss surgery. That seems to be the easiest and fastest way, but I’m going to be honest. That terrifies me.

I have friends who have had surgeries such as the gastric sleeve, bypass, etc. and it seems to have worked out well for most of them. Two months ago I had a consultation to have elective weight loss surgery. I went into the appointment thinking I was going to schedule the surgery, but I left the appointment scared to death.

No carbonated drinks for the rest of my LIFE?

Dude. That means no Diet Pepsi. Forever.

And no carbs?

Dude. What would I eat?

I want to lose weight and I want to be healthy, but I’m not about to completely give up junk food and Diet Pepsi. Those are two of my favorite things. I want a healthier relationship with food, but I also want to be able to enjoy my favorite foods for the rest of my life. I don’t feel like I’ve given it a good enough go on my own to make the decision to remove part of my stomach for all of eternity. That really freaks me out and I’m kind of a chicken, so let’s just say I haven’t been brave enough to take that step.

I’ve decided to try this the old fashioned way. Counting calories and exercising. Both of these things suck, but being dead sucks even more, so I’m giving it a go.

I don’t want to flood my social media with my weight loss posts, because I know some of you may not care. So I’m creating an instagram that is strictly for this weight loss journey. You can follow me at www.instagram.com/colleenloses if you’re interested, or if you want to join me on your own weight loss journey. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be posting very real updates on my weight loss. If I cheat, you will witness it. You will also see me weigh in every Friday, starting with today.

Yes. I have revealed my true weight to the world and it’s terrifying.

I also bought a fitbit that I’m going to wear every day, even though I probably only average about 1,000 steps a day right now. I won’t be in competition with anyone but myself, but if you have a fitbit, friend request me using the email address colleenloses@gmail.com

I’d love for people to join me on this journey. Time permitting, I may start a Facebook group, but right now I’m only updating via instagram. I’ll be using the hashtag #ColleenLoses for all my posts. If you decide to join me in my journey, make sure to tag all your weight loss related instagram posts with #ColleensLosers and I’ll have weight-loss related giveaways every Friday through my instagram account. I’ll pull winners from the #ColleensLosers hashtag. If you don’t have instagram…get an instagram! It’s the best thing ever!

For now, I won’t be promoting any particular diet. Individuals lose weight in many different ways, so I think the most important thing is to find a diet that best suits your own needs. For myself, I plan on counting calories and making healthier choices from here on out. I don’t plan on giving up my Diet Pepsi anytime soon, but I do want to incorporate more water into my diet.

If you’re ready to get started with me, head on over to www.instagram.com/colleenloses and join my giveaway for a brand new fitbit!


180 thoughts on “I don’t want to die yet.

  1. I so get where you are coming from. I thought exactly the same way St the beginning of the year. And no, you can still have diet Pepsi and all sorts of other yummy stuff. I have only just started blogging but feel free to follow and vent when needs be. I still have 50+lbs to go and started at 280lbs too. You’ve got this!

Leave a comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s