My little sister (she’s twenty-something) just got engaged last night to a man-boy (he’s twenty-something as well and very sister-marrying worthy.)
My little sister (who we will call Murphy, because that’s her name) lives in Wyoming. You know, that state that barely exists? Well, (I’m talking to you now, Murphy) you (and man-boy fiance) are about to become full-fledged Texas residents soon. And just to welcome you to Texas, bigger sister (Lin) and I (big sister) have spent the day stalking your new neighborhood, taking pictures of things we feel might get you a little more excited about moving to Tyler, Texas TEXASS!
First thing first, we need to assure you that there are many fun things to do in Tyler, Texas TEXASS. Things such as SHOP. Even though I hate to shop, bigger sister loves it so the two of you should have fun. Here are the stores we shopped at today that are right in your new neighborhood!
Yes. That’s an ULTA! The one place I might actually LIKE to shop.
And just in case you need to pray about your shopping addiction or need some Jesus flavored candy, we found this Christian bookstore tucked away next to ULTA.
And I know you are sad about leaving all your family behind in that other sta (I can’t even finish the word ‘state’ because Wyoming is barely such) look what Tyler, Texas TexASS has! A UPS STORE! Right in your new neighborhood (of which you have yet to see.) This way, you can always have your mom send you presents and money and other stuff, so you won’t feel so homesick.
And if your heart ever unhardens, you can buy gifts at all the stores in your new neighborhood. Here are some gifts big sister and bigger sister like, in case you need inspiration:
And cheap perfume. They have Pure and Chanel for next to nothing (but closer to $100).
And there is a mall with a store that sells the bestest shirts ever in the whole wide world like this one! If you can ever find it in my size, then buy it for me, okay?
And if you and man-boy (We’ll call him Nick since that’s his name) ever get tired of staring into each other’s eyes, you can go down the road and watch a movie. Cuz look! Here’s a cinema where you can watch moooovies!
And if you get bored with the movie, you can leave because right next door is TIMES SQUARE! (Not the real one, but you can see in this pic that it’s just as cool.)
But if you get bored at Times Square (which you probably will if you don’t want to visit a dry cleaners or a gas station) then you can always go eat Sushi where they have waiters that look just like Will Cooper!!!
But then you will remember that Will Cooper is a fictional character, and that said waiter’s name is actually Lloyd and he’s a really cool photographer who knows who The Avett Brothers are and loves Slam Poetry. (So we’ll call him Will Cooper, even though his name is Lloyd.)
Here’s Will Cooper showing me a picture of his…awesome photography skills. (Get a website, Lloyd. Cuz if you had one I could have linked it here. GO BE IT!)
Oh! And of course there’s this fancy (or very normal) apartment that Bigger sister and Big sister stalked today, where you will be living in a few weeks. You haven’t seen it yet because you are way up there ^^^ in barely there, Wyoming. So we took pictures of it while we were there. This is bigger sister walking into the manager’s office.
Look! Christmas cheer!
And inside the office, they have COFFEE! If you ever get tired or something.
I don’t look very happy there^^^, but it’s only because I don’t like coffee.
My favorite part of your new apartment complex is the mixed signals. Like for instance, you have rich people:
But then you have broken lights:
So it’s sort of hard to tell if you live in a nice neighborhood or not. But it’s okay if you don’t, because you have Chinese restaurants that like apostrophes and being open on religious holidays!!!
And one cool thing about people getting their own apartment is that they get a mailbox. But you and man-boy get something even BETTER! You get a whole entire box in a Postal CENTER!!!
And once you get past the postal center and walk around the corner, don’t be frightened by their monster, amazon sized bushes. They took me and bigger sister by surprise.
But if you can make it past the bushes, you will come to your very own apartment, which has a very tasty front door. Just ask bigger sister.
Oh! I can’t forget the fact that your new apartment complex not only comes with coffee and neighbors that drive Range Rovers, but it also has a workout room!
I’m pretty sure you are going to love it here in Tyler, Texas Texass. Of course, we ARE sisters and with the three of us being so close, I’m sure we’ll have stressful moments like this one, where bigger sister was really sick of me stopping for random photo ops.
But even if we do fight and kick each other’s asses and break each other’s legs, it’s okay because they have this: Handicapped parking!
So. There you have it. All these wonderful things to look forward to when y’all (and y’all have to start saying y’all) move to Texas. But….and this is a BIG but….out of all these inanimate objects that are here waiting for you, nothing is excited to see you as this:
So hurry the hell up and come play, already. Big sister and bigger sister miss you.