A really depressing blast from the past.

I went to my mother’s house tonight to look through her old hope chest with her.  I’ve been quick to say that I’ve never wrote anything before SLAMMED, but boy was I wrong.  In fact, there were so many stupid, pointless things of mine from the past in that chest that I could probably make a book out of all of it.  But since most of it was stupid and pointless, I’ll spare you the agony.  Instead, I’ll just post some of it from time to time here on the blog so y’all can laugh with me.

Out of all the things I found, this myspace blog post was my favorite because I couldn’t have been more depressing.  Why would my mother have my myspace blog posts saved, you ask?  Because she saves everything.  And back when I actually used myspace, she didn’t have a computer. I would print out my blog posts and give them to her.  Luckily, she kept them all, maybe knowing how silly they would be someday.  Here’s a pic of the title of this 2006 blog post.



I’m going to share this blog post with you…all the way back from 2006.  Fair warning:  This is a really sad, pessimistic post about not following your dreams.  Good thing I didn’t listen to myself.  It also says a helluva lot about how much the publishing industry has changed.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Well, in a matter of minutes my whole outlook on my future has changed.  I have been pondering the thought of writing a book.  Actually, I haven’t been pondering.  No.  I’m certain I was born to write a book.  The obsession I’ve had with the thought that I’m not doing what I was meant to do has caused me to hate college, hate having to get up and go to work, and hate the thought that I still haven’t started writing a book yet.  Because that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?  

I’ve been doing a lot of research.  Not about what to write, but about if it’s worth it.  And based on my research, I’ve learned that my dreams are just that.  Dreams.  

There are only a handful of individuals who actually make enough money off of a book to quit their day job.  On top of that, even when people do write books, the advances are really small.  Unless you magically get picked for Oprah’s book club, a writer’s chances of success are minimal. Impossible, even.  

The time spent writing and editing and trying to sell your book to a publisher and the actual money you make working on all of this calculates to earning about .50 cents a day for an average writer. 

I’ve always believed that I would look back on my life when I’m old and be disappointed in myself for never writing that book I was meant to write.  But…now I won’t be.  I’ll be proud of myself for coming to this realization at only 26 years old.  I’ll be glad that I didn’t waste all those years writing and editing and waiting on a publishing deal, only to be let down.  And honestly, I don’t seek notoriety or fame.  That actually terrifies me. I only seek appreciation for my intellectual oddities, and I get that from you guys on a regular basis.  So…I think I’ll just stop dreaming now.  Or maybe not.  The important thing is, I now have a different outlook on my future, and that is to never set goals.  That way, I’ll never be disappointed in myself.  So from now on, I’m just going to write if I feel like writing and not feel guilty if I don’t.   Sometimes a dose of reality is good for you. 


Wow.  Who knew?  I don’t even remember writing this.  It kinda makes me sad, but at the same time, grateful.  At the time I had no idea what the future would hold.  But I can’t help but wonder if I had actually followed my dreams back when publishing was next to impossible–would I have never attempted it again?  Who knows.  Like Julia always says, never regret.

And here’s a sneak peek picture of my next blast from the past I’ll be posting.  Apparently I was so bored the week my mother left for her seven-day cruise in 2009, I wrote her a play-by-play of what she missed while she was away.  And what’s funny is, not a damn thing happened while she was gone, yet I managed to still write ten pages.


59 thoughts on “A really depressing blast from the past.

  1. Haha wow that is too funny. Let me just say, I am thankful to you for your gift of writing. I love slammed point of retreat and hopeless and cannot wait for holders point of view of hopeless and the third in the slammed series. I love them all and have read them multiple times. Dreams do come true and you’re proof!! Xx

  2. I wouldn’t be sad that you wrote it. Like you said, it shows how much things have changed. And it shows that the fire in you wasn’t dimmed by the pessimism of that point in time. That was about the same time I started writing a book for the first time and I probably had the same thoughts. You are one of the people who helped give me the courage to try it again and I’m eternally grateful I took the chance on myself!

    I can’t wait to read more of your old posts.

  3. Weird thing is everything you have said is what I’ve been feeling. I feel as if I have to write but havent ever been a writer but now all I wamt to do is write and tell my stories…maybe one day ill dream big enough

  4. Soooo glad you didn’t listen to your self. Your books always capture my heart in ways others can’t. Keep up the great work!

    Fawn@ Swoon Worthy Books

  5. OMG!! Everything you wrote is exactly how I am feeling lately. Man, is it good to know that I am not the only one. I have learned to live my dreams but actually following it is another story but I can’t say I am not trying. ;)

    Thank you so much for this post. Brought another smile on my face. :D

    Can’t wait to more of your old posts!

  6. I am glad you didn’t listen to yourself back then. You did get to achieve your dream and about the part of not feeling guilty if you don’t write…I want you to feel guilty if you don’t, because sometimes a dose of reality is good for you…. we want more of Colleen Hoover…..can’t get enough of you, your books, and characters….Isn’t it amazing how people change over the years……Even though your 2006 blog says otherwise of you, I see you as a very happy, bubbly, easy to get to know kind of person, but as they say, you are who you are today because of who you were yesterday.

  7. That made me want to cry. I’m glad you don’t remember writing that because the world and literature would be a little less bright without you <3

  8. I’m very happy to learn that you didn’t listen to your pessimistic advice. You were right about one thing though, you WERE meant to write a book few characters have ever touched me the way Will Lake Holder and Sky have. I cannot wait to share your amazing work with my daughter one day!

  9. Wow! I am glad that you still went ahead with your writing. You did get one thing right in your myspace post – “I’m certain I was born to write a book.” And you were absolutely meant to write the most touching and beautiful books available. So thank you, for not giving up and thank you for sharing! It gives me hope!

  10. “I only seek appreciation for my intellectual oddities”. You are appreciated for so many things and thank you for realizing you were born to write and sharing that wonderful gift with us.

  11. thanks for not listening to your 2006 self. we would have been deprived of your immense talent. what changed your mind about writing?

  12. Thank God you wrote those books. I got so much enjoyment out of reading them, and so did my friends. I’m very glad you didn’t listen to yourself. As a matter of fact, I butterflying live that you didn’t listen to yourself and wrote anyway.

  13. All I have to say is THANK GOODNESS that things changed and you found it in you to pursue your dreams!! I believe that it is MY destiny to READ GREAT BOOKS…thank you for making that easy to accomplish Colleen!

  14. Wow. That’s a head check because I battle with that feeling while writing the 3rd book in a trilogy & wondering how I can justify the time just for the breathless love of the story. It does incredibly well in RWA competitions & the like but getting it anywhere does seem impossible & overwhelming. At least these days, we can self-publish and push the envelopes of the impossible dream.
    It’s funny b/c being able to self-publish is just enough of a pulse to get many a book written. The dream risks guttering after the book is out there & can’t get found. Better to have written and lost to have never written at all?
    Considering your book Hopeless, I’m glad you took the risk.

  15. Look at you now, a New York Times bestseller! Oh and a possible movie. You just needed that special book. I am glad you did not give up on your dreams because we would not have these three amazing book with wonderful characters. I think it is an inspirational story that will give other people who want to writers hope that they can be successful too. There are so many good self published books out there and the e-readers make them more accessable. It just goes to show not to sell yourself short. Congrats and I can’t wait till Will and Holder’s stories are released. I hope the Nightline special actually comes on tonight.

  16. How prophetic! I was your friend back in My Space days and our whole family enjoyed your little stories! Thank you, Vannoy, for saving these!

  17. Colleen,

    I posted on FB a couple of weeks ago about how it had always been my desire to write. In school, I used more notebook paper for poems than homework (which wasn’t hard). But one misguided teacher’s words put my gift in hibernation for 20 years. It wasn’t until two years ago I took up writing again. I’ve never been good at anything much. I’m a Jack of all trades. But I’m good at writing. It’s what I was created to do. It’s who I am beyond daughter, wife and mother, or even believer in God. It is the essence of me. So I don’t see this as depressing. I see it as an essential part of your journey bringing you down that crooked road with twists and turns to converge with with where–and just as importantly when–you were meant to be.

    Thanks for the post. I’m looking forward to meeting you in a few weeks at the North East Texas Writers Convention.

  18. I think this was just a reminder that things happen WHEN they should happen. I like, live, love that deep inside, you knew you had to write.

    “And honestly, I don’t seek notoriety or fame. That actually terrifies me. I only seek appreciation for my intellectual oddities, and I get that from you guys on a regular basis.”

    Sorry about that one – sought or not, you have gained notoriety and fame, and we all are better people by reading your ‘intellectual oddities’ and appreciate beyond words what your books have meant to us.

    Thank your mom for saving these – I’m looking forward to reading more!

  19. I know that I – and many many many others – are so happy that you’ve had the never-ending drive and dream to write. I loved this peak into your past. Amazing how life changes in the course of just a few years, huh? (If you could see the difference in my life from 2006 to now, you’d agree.) I think I remember reading that passion + persistence = success. Yep. That fits.

  20. The thought of never having read the AMAZING books you have created just made me want to bawl like a baby! THANK GOD you followed your .50 cent dreams!!! :)

  21. So glad you didn’t end up giving up on the dream!! I love your books! I haven’t been back into reading for that long and don’t get a lot of time to read. I am so glad that all of your books are on that short list of books I have had the chance to read the past year!! Oh and I loved all of your books!!!

  22. Colleen, it’s a good thing you decide to post this. It might cheer up some other writer that is thinking “it’s not worthy it”. And, I am so glad you followed your instincts, because you gave us, so far, three really good books and I cannot wait to see what you come up with next. Your depressing myspace blog post sounds like a stream of consciousness that came out at some late hour.What you wrote in the post it actually makes me smile because I wrote a book a couple years ago about my favorite japanese comic book artist, Ai Yazawa, and it got published in my country, Italy, but guess what? It has been three years and I have not seen 1 EURO CENT. The book was also nominated for some prize (but didn’t win) and also sold a pretty good number of copies. Turns out, the two publishing companies that together put the book out both went BANKRUPT and most likely I am NEVER EVER gonna see any money out of this (and it wasn’t that much to begin with, like you wrote in your post; in my case a mere 500 euros+ royalties). Am I disappointed? Yes, but thankfully that book was not my day job and most likely I am never doing anything again being so naive and thinking I would eventually get paid (because close friends told me I would get paid). I never thought I would write anything in my life nor I had the aspiration of doing it, but now I do have a book with my name on it, and who knows, maybe one day I will write a novel and self-publish it (I have these characters that won’t leave my brain alone) and still not quit my day job. We all go through tough times and it’s easy to get discouraged but it’s all about getting up again and keep fighting for what you love. On an unrelated note, The Avett Brothers will be on Jimmy Fallon tonight.

  23. Somebody was a Debbie Downer in 2006 lol! I’m so glade you followed your dreams because you have become one of my favorite authors! Never stop writing!

  24. I loved that you wrote this. Everyone has weak points where you let the negativity take hold. But it really goes to show what a dream can do. Reading all the comments from your fans who feel now exactly the way you felt then is affirmation that you were definitely born to write. Not only a book but also a blog that has & will continue to touch people. We LOVE your brand of crazy. Can’t wait to read more!

  25. I think we should never be surprised at the things our mother’s have saved. They keep things that we think are “stupid” becauses they mean more to them than we will ever know. As for Dreams, Our dreams may have not amount to much financially but our dreams are what keeps us going. They are what makes us get up in the morning and got to work no matter how tired or disgusted with live we are. I think I’ve always been a dreamer. I always wanted to be a nurse and I am. It isn’t a rewarding job everyday but there are moments of it that make you stop and realize that what you are doing matters and that makes it worth the rest. I say we keep dreaming and we dream big.

  26. I would just like to say that I think that you are “AWESOME”…. Love, love, love your books and I am looking forward to reading more of your works. I have shared your books with my co workers and they too are now “HUGE” fans. I love that you inspire and encourange other authors like yourself, because God bless you who else is going to do it. What a blessing it is to be living your dream, I think that if you keep on the path that you are currently on that God has great things in store for you. Being a mom myself, sounds like you’ve got a great role model yourself. Great moms raise great daughters. Hugs to you and your mom. :)

  27. ‘What you missed while on your February 2009 cruise’
    – I love the idea! I cannot wait to take a peek, lol

    You’re a really talented writer, Ms. Colleen :)

  28. Hi Colleen,
    I was just wondering if, since you love to write & have an amazing sense of humor, whether you have checked out Quipio yet. It’s not quite a social network & not really like Instagram. You have 400 characters to “quip” whatever you like, choose from numerous fonts, with the ability to choose a picture to post your quip on- from your pictures or an image search… Kinda like a visual slam (of limited length).
    I think you’d be awesome at it. Anyway, just curious ’cause I’d love to see what you’d come up with.

  29. Wow, we all have these moments. I certainly do.

    You did it! Oh, and it was fabulous. Never doubt yourself again. You were born to do this.


  30. Thank you for getting that out and then doing it anyway!! Your writing is so inspiring. I get lost in the books and love every minute of it!! Everyone has moments of doubt, but you, Colleen have proven to everyone that amazing things happen when you push past that doubt.

  31. It was just something you were meant to do. That’s so neat that your mom kept all of those things. I do that with my girls. My husband calls me a hoarder, I think of it as sentimental. ;)

  32. You are a great writer and I am proud to be an owner of you book and cant wait to b the owner of your 3rd book and many more after that … It all has to do with where you were your from :)

  33. As someone who wants to write, who’s felt exactly as you did at that time, it gives me a lot of hope to continue and enjoy writing whether or not the goal of being a published writer seems so untouchable.

    And what’s sad to think about is that alot of aspiring writers feel just like you did in the entry you wrote and give up. And if you had done too, your fantastic books would never have happened. What a crying shame that would have been.

    You didn’t quit your dreams and now you’re getting that recognition and reaching all kinds of people with your words. I’m a 30 year old male from the United Kingdom who found Hopeless on Amazon and adored it, I think your ability to capture that very raw and intense experience of first love in words is something to marvel at.

    Thank you for not giving up and keep going. Who knows what else the future holds.

  34. Hello Colleen!
    Haven’t read any of you books yet (!) but I like your blog. I seem to be the only male that reads it. You seem to have a primary female base of readers. I come to your blog from time to time to give myself some sweet warm encouragement, when I get down, as you are a writer that hits the nail on the head -especially with the “DEPRESSING BLAST FROM THE PAST”. I like to write, and I am unsure if I should stick to it. I waver on and off. Watching your video about being a BADASS tickles me silly, keep being one! If your having a bad day! I just wanted to say thanks for your being around for those of us that give up from time to time! Your a badly needed asset!!
    8/27/2013 9:09 p.m.

  35. Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog
    before but after checking through some of the post I
    realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and
    I’ll be book-marking and checking back often!

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