The “best first kiss” from Holder’s point of view. Merry Christmas!


To Pre-order Losing Hope, just click here.  It’s Holder’s POV of Hopeless and comes out July 9th.

How could I not give you guys a belated Christmas gift after seeing HOPELESS hit #2 on the Amazon bestsellers list?

I stayed up until 4am last night writing Holder’s point of view of one of the most highlighted scenes on Goodreads.  The best first kiss in the history of first kisses, minus the kiss.  <3  I only wrote this as a Christmas gift, not as a teaser to a whole book.

17+ please.

There are MAJOR SPOILERS in this scene.  DO NOT READ if you have yet to read Hopeless, because it will SPOIL IT FOR YOU.  Did you get that?


Okay, here we go.  And in case you skipped everything above this sentence, THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS BONUS SCENE!!!!!!!

Holder’s point of view 

Saturday, September 1st, 2012.

9:10 p.m.


I ball my hand up into a tight fist and keep it at my side, doing everything in my power not to touch her mouth.

I’ve just never seen anything so perfect before.

She’s been reading for well over half an hour now and I haven’t heard a damn word she’s said.  Last night it was so much easier to pay attention to the actual story because I wasn’t looking directly at her.  Tonight it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have not to claim her mouth with mine.  She’s propped against me with her head on my chest, using me as her pillow. I’m hoping she can’t feel my heart pounding right now because every time she glances up at me when she flips a page, I squeeze my fists even tighter and try to keep my hands to myself but my resistance resonates in my pulse.  And it’s not that I don’t want to touch her.  I want to touch her and kiss her so fucking bad it physically hurts.

I just don’t want it to be insignificant to her.  When I touch her…I want her to feel it.  I want every single thing I say to her and every single thing I do to her to have significance.

Last night when she told me she’s never felt anything when she was kissed, my heart did this crazy thing where it felt bound, like it was being constricted, just like the lungs in my chest. I’ve dated a lot of girls, even though I might have downplayed that to her.  Out of every single girl I’ve been with and even the one I thought I loved, my heart had never reacted like it reacts to her.  And I’m not referring to my hearts feelings for her, because let’s be honest, I barely know her. I’m referring to my hearts literal, physical reaction to her.  Every time she speaks or smiles or God forbid, laughs…my heart reacts like it’s been sucker-punched. I hate it and like it and somehow have become addicted to it. Every time she speaks, the sucker-punch in my chest reminds me that somehow, there’s still something there.

A huge internal part of me was lost thirteen years ago.  Then last year, I was convinced Les took the very last contents of my chest with her when she died. I’m not so sure about that, anymore.  I don’t think my chest has been empty this whole time like I thought.  Whatever is left inside of me has just been asleep, and this girl is somehow slowly waking it up.

With every word she speaks and every glance she sends my way, she’s unknowingly pulling me out of this thirteen-year-long nightmare I’ve been trapped in.

Fuck it.  

I unclench my fist and bring it up to her hair that’s spilled across my chest.  I pick up a loose strand and curl it around my finger, keeping my eyes trained on her mouth while she reads to me.  I find myself comparing her to Hope every now and then, despite my efforts not to.  I’m trying to recall exactly what Hope’s eyes looked like or if she had the same four freckles across the bridge of her nose that Sky has.  Every time I start to compare them, I force myself to stop.  It doesn’t matter anymore and I need to let it go.  I have to find a way to let go of the constant need I have to rectify the fact that I just walked away.

Hope is gone and if I don’t accept it, the tricks my mind are trying to play on me when I’m with Sky will end up driving me insane. The chances of the girl I lost being right here, pressed against my chest, her strand of hair between my fingertips…it’s impossible. Their similarities are merely a coincidence and I need to stop speculating and comparing them, combining my memories and past with Hope to my present with Sky. I need to separate the two of them in my head before I screw up and do something stupid, like refer to Sky by the wrong name.

That would suck.

I notice her lips are pressed into a tight, thin line and she isn’t speaking anymore. It’s a damn shame because her mouth is fucking hypnotizing.

“Why’d you stop talking?” I ask her, without looking at her eyes. I keep my gaze trained on her lips, hoping they start moving again.

“Talking?” she says, her top lip curling up in a grin. “Holder, I’m reading. There’s a difference. And from the looks of it, you haven’t been paying a lick of attention.”

The false feistiness in her reply makes me smile. “Oh, I’ve been paying attention,” I say, lifting up onto my elbows. “To your mouth. Maybe not to the words coming out of it, but definitely to your mouth.” I slide out from under her until she’s on her back, then I scoot down until I’m beside her.  I pull her against me and take her hair between my fingertips again. The fact that she doesn’t resist in the slightest only means I’ll be at war with myself the rest of the damn night. She’s already made it clear she wants me to kiss her, and I’ll be damned if backing away from having her pressed up against the refrigerator wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Shit.  Just thinking about it is almost as intense as when it was actually happening.

I drop the strand of hair and watch as my fingers fall straight to her lips.  I don’t know how the last five seconds just occurred, but I’m looking down at my hand as it grazes over her mouth like I have no control over my limbs anymore.  My hand has a mind of its own but I really don’t care…or want to stop it.

I feel her breath against my fingertips and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to center my focus on something else other than on what I want. Because it’s not my wants that are important right now—it’s hers. And I highly doubt she wants to taste my mouth as much as I need to taste hers right now.

“You have a nice mouth,” I say, still slowly tracing it with the tips of my fingers. “I can’t stop looking at it.”

“You should taste it,” she says. “It’s quite lovely.”

Holy shit.

I squeeze my eyes shut and drop my head to her neck, forcing my focus away from those lips. “Stop it, you evil wench.”

She laughs. “No way. This is your stupid rule; why should I be the one to enforce it?”

Oh, Jesus.  It’s a game to her.  This whole not kissing thing is a game to her and she’s going to tease the hell out of me.  I can’t do this.  If I give in and kiss her before she’s ready I know I won’t be able to stop.  And I don’t know what the hell is going on inside my chest right now but I really like the way it feels when I’m around her and if I can drag whatever this is out to make sure she feels the same way, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. If it takes me weeks to ensure she gets to that point before I give in to my own wants, then I guess I’ll wait weeks.  In the meantime, I’ll do whatever I can to make sure her next first is anything but insignificant.

“Because, you know I’m right,” I say, explaining exactly why she needs to help me enforce this rule. “I can’t kiss you tonight because kissing leads to the next thing, which leads to the next thing, and at the rate we’re going we’ll be all out of firsts by next weekend. Don’t you want to drag our firsts out a little longer?” I pull away from her neck and look down at her, very aware that there is less space between our mouths right now than between our bodies.

“Firsts?” she says, looking up at me curiously. “How many firsts are there?”

“There aren’t that many, which is why we need to drag them out. We’ve already passed too many since we met.”

She tilts her head and her expression grows attractively serious. “What firsts have we already passed?”

“The easy ones,” I say. “First hug, first date, first fight, first time we slept together, although I wasn’t the one sleeping. Now we barely have any left. First kiss. First time to sleep together when we’re both actually awake. First marriage. First kid. We’re done after that. Our lives will become mundane and boring and I’ll have to divorce you and marry a wife who’s twenty years younger than me so I can have a lot more firsts and you’ll be stuck raising the kids.” I bring my hand to her cheek and smile at her. “So you see, babe? I’m only doing this for your benefit. The longer I wait to kiss you, the longer it’ll be before I’m forced to leave you high and dry.”

She laughs and the sound is so toxic I’m forced to swallow the huge lump in my throat so I can make room to breathe again.

“Your logic terrifies me,” she says. “I sort of don’t find you attractive anymore.”

Challenge accepted.

I slowly slide on top of her, careful to hold my weight up with my hands.  If my body were to touch any part of hers right now, we’d already be moving on to seconds and thirds. “You sort of don’t find me attractive?” I say, staring straight down into her eyes. “That can also mean you sort of do find me attractive.”

Her eyes grow dark and she shakes her head.  I can see the dip in the base of her throat barely move as she gulps before speaking. “I don’t find you attractive at all. You repulse me. In fact, you better not kiss me because I’m pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth.”

I laugh, then drop onto my elbow so I can move closer to her ear, still careful not to touch any other part of her.

“You’re a liar,” I whisper. “You’re a whole lot attracted to me and I’m about to prove it.”

I had every intention of pulling away, but as soon as the scent of her hits me, I can’t pull back.  My lips are pressed against her neck before I even have a chance to weigh the decision.  But right now it feels a hell of a lot more like a necessity to taste her rather than just a decision. She gasps when I pull back and I can’t help but hope that her gasp was genuine.  The thought of her actually feeling what I felt when my lips touched her neck makes me feel ridiculously victorious.  It’s too bad I like a challenge because that gasp just made me want to up my game.  I drop my mouth back to her ear and whisper, “Did you feel that?”

Her eyes are closed and she’s shaking her head no, breathing heavily.  I look down at her chest, heaving dangerously close to mine.

“You want me to do it again?” I whisper.

I want her to beg me to do it again, but she shakes her head no.  She’s breathing twice as fast as she was sixty seconds ago, so I know I’m getting to her.  I laugh that she’s so adamantly shaking her head no, while at the same time clenching the sheet next to her with her fist.  I move closer to her mouth because I suddenly have an overwhelming need to take in some of the breaths she’s wasting.  It feels like I need them more than she does right now, so I inhale at the same time my lips meet her cheek. I don’t stop there, though.  I can’t stop there.  I continue to trail kisses from her cheek, down to her ear.  I pause and catch my breath enough to speak in a steady voice. “How about that?”

Again, she stubbornly shakes her head, but tilts it back and slightly to the left, allowing me better access to her skin. I lift my hand from the bed and bring it to her waist, keeping my eyes trained on her as I slip my hand under her shirt, just far enough to graze her stomach with my thumb.  I watch for any kind of reaction from her, but she’s got a stern, tight-lipped expression on her face now, like she’s trying to hold her breath.  I don’t want her to hold her breath.  I need to hear her breathe.

When I drop my mouth and nose to her jawline, she releases her pent up breaths just like I was hoping she would.  I trail my nose across her jaw, inhaling the scent of her, then move down, listening intently to every single gasp that escapes her lips as if they’re the last sounds I’ll ever hear.  When I reach her ear, four of my senses are in overdrive and one is seriously lacking—taste. I know I can’t taste her mouth tonight, but I have got to taste at least one part of her.  I press my lips to her ear and she immediately brings her hand up to my neck, pulling me in deeper.  Feeling her need my mouth against her skin rips my chest wide open and I completely give in, wanting to feel that need from her even more.  I immediately part my lips and glide my tongue across her skin, taking in the sweetness of her and locking it in my memory.  I’ve never tasted anything that rivaled perfection like she does.

Then she moans and holy hell. Everything I thought I previously knew about my desires or wants or needs becomes moot and lost in that sound. From this point forward, my new and only goal in life is to find a way to get her to make that exact same sound again.

I bring my hand to the side of her head and completely let loose, kissing and teasing every inch of her neck, trying to find that exact spot that got to her a few seconds ago.  She drops her head against her pillow and I take the opportunity to explore more of her neck.  As soon as my lips begin to trail toward the rise in her chest, I force myself north again, not wanting to push it to the point that she asks me to stop.  Because I absolutely don’t want to stop whatever this is we’re doing.

Her eyes are still closed and I drop my gaze to her lips, kissing her softly near the corner of her mouth.

And there it is.  The softest, most delicate sound escapes her throat again.  I can’t ignore the fact that another internal part of me wakes up with that sound.  I continue kissing a full circle around the edges of her lips, impressed that I’m somehow able to find strength to pull back.

I have to stop for a moment because if I don’t, I’ll for sure break my one and only rule tonight—which is absolutely no mouth contact.  I know if I kiss her right now it’ll be great.  But I don’t want her to have great.  I want her to have incredible.

Looking at her lips right now, I know for a fact it’ll be incredible for me.

“They’re so perfect,” I say. “Like hearts. I could literally stare at your lips for days and never get bored.”

She opens her eyes and smiles. “No. Don’t do that. If all you do is stare, then I’ll be the bored one.”

Damn that smile.  It’s painful having to watch that mouth smile and frown and pout and laugh and speak when all I want to watch it do is kiss me.

But then she licks her lips and everything I thought I just knew about pain actually starts to feel good compared to the way my heart is gouged out of my chest with that small tease.  Jesus Christ, this girl.

I groan and press my forehead to hers.  Having her mouth this close to mine sucks the self-control right out of me.  I drop myself on top of her and it’s as if a rush of warm air swarms the room and encircles us.  We both feel everything simultaneously and we moan together, move together and breathe together.

Then we completely give in together.  All four of our hands are frantically pulling off my shirt as if two hands can’t do it fast enough.  As soon as it’s off, her legs lock around my waist and she pulls me tightly against her. I drop my forehead back to hers and move against her, finding a new way to force those tiny sounds from her mouth that have quickly become my new favorite song.  We continue to move together and the more she gasps and quietly moans, the closer my lips move to hers, wanting to experience those sounds first-hand.  I just need a tiny sample of what her kiss will feel like.  A little preview, that’s all.  I allow my lips to brush against hers and we both suck in a breath.

She feels it.  She actually fucking feels this right now and I think I’m drowning in satisfaction. I don’t want to speed things up and I definitely don’t want to slow things down. I just want to keep things exactly as they are right now because it’s perfect.

I bring my hand to the side of her head and keep my forehead pressed against hers, my lips resting against hers.  I love the feel of our mouths sliding together, so I pull back and lick my lips to create smoother traction.  I straighten my legs out, taking some of my weight off of my knees, not expecting the small shift to do what it does to her.  She arches her back and whispers, “Oh, God.” I feel like I should answer her, because it sure as hell seems like she’s referring to me right now with the way she throws her arms around my neck and tucks her head against me.  Her arms are trembling and her legs are clenching my waist and I realize that not only is she feeling this right now, she’s doing everything in her power to fight it.

“Holder,” she whispers, clenching onto my back.  I’m not sure if she’s wanting me to answer her or not, but I forgot how to speak so it doesn’t matter.  I can barely even remember how to breathe right now.


She says my name with more urgency this time so I kiss the side of her head and slow my movements against her. She hasn’t asked me to stop or slow down yet but I’m pretty sure that’s what she’s about to do.  I do whatever I can to intercept her plea.

“Sky, if you’re asking me to stop, I will. But I’m hoping you’re not, because I really don’t want to stop, so please. I lift up and look down at her, still barely moving against her.  She still hasn’t asked me to stop yet and honestly, I’m afraid to.  I’m afraid if I stop, then whatever she’s feeling right now will disappear. That scares me because I know that with me, I’ll be feeling her for days after this.  I love knowing that what I’m doing to her right now is having enough of an effect that she feels she needs me to stop before she passes an unexpected first tonight.

I reach to her cheek and stroke it with the back of my hand, wanting…no, needing for her to pass this first tonight. “We won’t go any further than this, I promise,” I say to her. “But please don’t ask me to stop where we already are. I need to watch you and I need to hear you because the fact that I know you’re actually feeling this right now is so fucking amazing. You feel incredible and this feels incredible and please. Just…please.”

I drop my mouth to hers and kiss her softly, immediately pulling back before that amazing connection turns into more than just a peck.  Her lips felt so incredible just now; I have to lift off of her completely in order to regain my bearings.  Otherwise, I won’t be able to hold myself at bay for another second. I look down at her and she’s looking back up at me, searching my eyes for an answer to a question she can only answer for herself. I wait patiently for her to decide where we go from here.

Her head begins to shake back and forth and she places her hands on my chest.

“Don’t. Whatever you do, don’t stop.”

I remain still for a few seconds, repeating what she just said in my head several times until I’m absolutely certain she just told me not to stop.  I slip my hand behind her neck and pull her forehead to mine. “Thank you,” I say breathlessly. I ease myself back down on top of her until we recapture our rhythm. She feels so incredible pressed against me, I don’t know that I’ll ever be the same again. This girl just raised the bar so far above all other girls’ heads, no one could ever even come close.

I kiss her everywhere my lips have already touched her tonight, picking up pace with the timing of her gasps and moans.  When I feel her body tensing around mine I pull away from her neck and look down at her.  She digs her nails deeper into my skin, then tilts her head back and closes her eyes.  She looks absolutely beautiful like this, but I need her eyes on mine.  I need to watch her feel this.

“Open your eyes,” I tell her.  She winces, but doesn’t look up at me.  “Please.”

Her eyes immediately open beneath me when I say please. Her eyebrows crease together and she loses all rhythm to her breathing pattern.  She’s fighting to breathe now as her body begins to tremble beneath me, all the while keeping our gaze locked together. All I can do is hold my breath and watch the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen unfold beneath me. When the loudest of her moans has escaped her lips, she can no longer keep her eyes open.  As soon as she closes them, I drop my lips back to hers, needing to feel them against mine again.  When she’s finally calm, I move my lips down to her neck and kiss it like I wish I could be kissing her mouth right now.

But seeing how much she needs me to kiss her mouth right now is making the wait even more important for me. Considering what just happened between us, it almost seems absurd to keep up the assurance of not kissing her.  But I’m stubborn and I like knowing that the next time we’re together like this; we’ll be able to experience another first that’s likely to drive me even more insane than tonight has.

I press my lips to her shoulder and push up on my arm.  I trail my fingers down her hairline and wipe away the loose strands from her face.  She looks absolutely content and it’s the most beautiful, satisfying thing I’ve ever felt.

“You’re incredible,” I say, knowing that word is a severe understatement for what she actually is.  She smiles at me and inhales a deep breath at the same time I do.  I collapse beside her on the bed, needing to get off of her immediately.  My chest is completely alive right now and the only thing that I know can satisfy me is her mouth on mine.  I force the image of it out of my mind and attempt to cool myself off by matching my breathing pattern with hers.

After silently finding a stable enough point to touch her again, I move my hand closer to hers on the bed and wrap my pinky around hers.  The sensation of her pinky in mine feels way too familiar.  Way too right.  Way too long overdue.  I squeeze my eyes shut and attempt to deny my conscience the satisfaction of being right.

She’s Sky. That’s who she is.  I only doubt this because of how she feels so familiar. Familiarity is hardly enough to convince me otherwise.

I realize as we’re lying here that this is the first time in the past thirteen years I’m hoping my instincts are wrong, because if I’m right, the truth will devastate her.

Please, just let her be Sky.

My fear of being right keeps pushing through and I sit up on the bed, needing to separate myself from her.  I need to clear my head of all this craziness. “I have to go,” I say, looking down at her. “I can’t be on this bed with you for another second.”

I’m being honest.  I can’t be on this bed with her for another second, although I’m sure she thinks it’s for other reasons.  Not for the reason I really need to separate myself from her—the fact that I’m terrified my intuition is finally right for once.

I stand and pull my shirt over my head and notice that she’s looking at me like I’m rejecting her.  I know she probably thought I’d end up kissing her tonight, but she’s got a lot to learn when it comes to doubting my word.

I lean in close to her and smile reassuringly.  “When I said you weren’t getting kissed tonight, I meant it. But dammit, Sky. I had no idea how fucking difficult you would make it.” I slip my hand behind her neck and lean in to kiss her cheek.  When she gasps, it takes everything I have to release my hold and climb off the bed.  I watch her as I walk toward the window and pull my phone from my pocket.  I send her a quick text, then wink at her, right before I climb outside.  I pull the window shut and back a few steps away.  As soon as the window is shut, she jumps off her bed and runs out of her bedroom, more than likely to go grab her phone and check her text.  Normally, her excitement would more than likely make me laugh. Instead I find myself staring blankly through her bedroom window.  My heart feels heavy and my mind even heavier as the pieces of the puzzle slowly begin to fit together, right down to her name.

       “The sky is always beautiful…”

The memory causes me to flinch.  I brace my hand against the brick wall and inhale a deep breath.  It’s almost laughable, really—the fact that I can sit here and entertain the possibility that this could actually happen after thirteen years.  If it were true…if she really were her…it would ruin her. Which is exactly why I refuse to accept it without tangible proof—something I can actually touch that would confirm it.  Without tangible proof, she’ll remain Sky to me.

I just want her to be Sky.

265 thoughts on “The “best first kiss” from Holder’s point of view. Merry Christmas!

      1. Please send another gift like this again! Valentine’s Day? Easter? My birthday is in July… Love, love, love Holder!

      2. I love everything about this book and this scene except how often I have to read the “F” word. It sort of cheapens the amazing soul gripping scene for me. Just my own opinion. Slammed was a bit cleaner and I appreciated that :)

      3. While I don’t ascribe to the trend of using swear words as punctuation I have to disagree respectfully with this comment. I think the swearing was appropriate to the characters and age level. I personally believe one should not be precious about such things but view it this way: Is it appropriate to the age and personality of the character? If yes then let it go. Quite frankly having gone to school with people who pepper their sentences with the f-word for no apparent reason this style of writing is refreshing to me. But maybe your experience is more narrow/cloistered/old-fashioned/sensitive/refined?

  1. That was Amazing! I didn’t realize i was holding my breath until the very end. I felt the connection. I felt the fire.If it is possible, I was even MORE engaged with Holder’s pov. AWESOME. I think i would love to hear more of Holder. Thank you.

    1. Holy Hell, I knew I loved the sensitive, smoldering, hotness that is Holder, but now I ABSOLUTELY over the top love him. His voice is so satisfying to hear, as is what he feels for Sky, and his inner struggle. Thank you so much for bestowing this gift on me! It was a wonderful surprise, and I cannot wait for the book!

  2. holy amazing!! I could read this book over and over and over again and never get tired of it…i absolutely LOVE it from Holder’s POV!

  3. Wowza! This was awesome! You’re awesome, Colleen! I loved this, LOVED it and it just reminded me that Will’s Story should be coming out soon right? I can’t wait!!! I can’t wait for that and for every other book you ever write!!! I become so lost in your writing and I love every second of it! You’re amazing!

  4. Holy Shit Collen!! Are you effin’ kidding me?!!!! Wow, definitely going to go take a cold shower now (again, from this scene). Best. Dry Humping. Scene. EVER.
    Love ya girl!

  5. Ok so I have this on my kindle, but I had to sneak a peak to see what everyone was raving about and ….wow! I am speechless! What a brilliant, mesmerizing piece of writing!! Wow!!! I’m off to read it immediately!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

  6. oh my…think someone needs to pour a bucket of water on me to cool me off! that was insanely HOT! can never get enough of Holder! haha :)

  7. Much to the annoyance of my friends, I haven’t read your book yet. When I saw a link to this post on FB, I ignored ALL of your terribly obvious warnings and started reading. Thankfully, I was able to stop myself after only two paragraphs. Just enough to help me decide what the next book I’ll read is. Really amazing! :)

  8. Lol. I made my husband read part of it. He said its dead on to what he feels. So congrats, you captured the male point of view beautifully.

  9. I’m going to cry..I love this so much..I wish and hope you’d write a book with his POV. Thanks so much for that..:) Going to download Slammed tonight..

  10. Thank you for the “present”. I started reading the book Christmas Eve and finished it Christmas Day. So this is so nice to ease me down from the book. Very good book and what a twist to the story.

  11. holder’s pov would be amazing- i like the back and forth of slammed and point of retreat. this being a standalone and i want more. ;)

  12. What a wonderful treasure!!!! Now I’m dying to get more into Holder head… Please write a book about him… I just finished re-reading Hopeless again… Couldn’t get enough

  13. ERMAGEWD lmao or however u spell your crazy omg word!! Haha that was absolutely amazing! I finished HOPELESS recently and I loved it. Thank you for taking the time to write this scene out from Holder’s POV. I loved it, it was really great to read it from his perspective!

  14. Omg! Amazing!!! Loved loved loved this!!! You’re an amazing writer and I loved Hopeless so much that I wish it wasn’t a standalone so we could get more Sky and especially more Holder! <3 them! Since everyone loved Hopeless so much and everyone really enjoyed this in Holder's POV, here's hoping you will reconsider and write the entire book from his POV cause that would be awesome!! :::crosses fingers::: thanks for this!!!..even if we only get this =]

  15. Love this point of view! The book is amazing, and you have done it again! Thank you for sharing your wonderful talents with us readers!

  16. Thank you Colleen!! You are amazingly talented, brilliant, gifted and the list goes on and on. I loved reading Holder’s POV.

  17. Wow!!!! That was just perfect! Thanks for the Christmas gift!! You are truly awesome…I’m always captivated by your writing!

  18. Holy shit. Seriously. I’m so glad I read this today. I’m just about to write my review for Hopeless and this just got me all heated up for it.

    P.S. You’re amazing…

  19. I know you said that Hopeless was a stand alone and this is just a single scene from Holder’s POV, but I want to know more! I want to know how and why there was such a connection between Holder, Hope, and Lesslie. What was life like for them after their best friend disappeared? Did their mom become hyper protective? Did the aftermath of the disappearance and Less’s victimization play into their parents’ divorce? How did Lesslie become a victim (How did he lure her in?)? How did her experience impact her suicide? What lengths did Holder go to, to find Hope? Did he ever figure out what her dad was doing to her? What exactly happened between Less and her boyfriend? What kind of relationship did Holder and Less have (yes, I get that they were close — but specifics? Were they partners in crime? Was he more like a protective older brother?)? What did Holder make of his intense instant connection with Sky? What did he make of the rumors?

    So much more to explore! Don’t leave me hanging, Colleen! Please! :-)

    1. I couldn’t agree more! I am left with so many questions. My emotional rubberband is about to snap….Mrs Hoover is amazing at bringing out raw emotions in her writings. Love love it and can not wait for a possible spin off from Hopeless……Holder should not be contained in one book….his passion is larger than that. ;)

  20. Merry frappin Christmas lady! Holy Hell … You must know that you’ve created a monster within your avid readers. There’s no way in hells bells that we wont want more! What a phenomenal gift. Thank you! Thank YOU!

  21. Best.Present.EVER! Please don’t stop there! I loved it! Holder’s pov is amazing…just think, could be another best seller :) Your books are the best, I can’t wait for what’s next!

  22. Wow, this was great. I read a lot of romance novels and I really loved the way Holder and Sky have this special connection with “firsts”, “forever’s”, his texts to her to balance out what she gets from Six (loved Six)…there was just so much and now his POV well of course I want more.

  23. WOW! I loved it. Thanks for one of the best gifts that won’t go out of style, or shrink, or get broken or forgotten in a corner of the house somewhere. Holder sure gives Will a run for his money….

  24. OMG! Please say this is a teaser from an upcoming Hopeless follow-up. If not, that is just mean teasing us with Holder’s view ;)

  25. OMG…. What a beautiful scene. Just amazing….. Perfect, breathtaking, felt it all through me. You write so lovely. Dont ever change your writing style. Beautiful just beauitful….. So much passion. Loved it. I am so honored to read your books.
    Thank you!!!

  26. Looks like I finished Hopeless right in time. It was an awesome story, I really enjoyed it. And I loved reading this part from Holder’s POV! Perfection!

  27. OMG! I just finished Hopeless this afternoon it was Amazing this scene was so awesome from Holders POV loved it!!! So I know everyones asking you about another book I saw that there is no book in the works in Holders POV but is there another book in the works to continue your awesome story???? Maybe in the near future????You know it will be another Best Seller :) Please tell me theres MORE
    BTW you are such an amazing writer loved Slammed and Point of Retreat cant wait for the next of Layken and Wll!

  28. Wow colleen you’ve done it yet again, and what makes it more amazing is that those last few paragraphs fit in perfectly with the YouTube book trailer you posted yesterday holders hand on the wall looking through the window aww you just feel it all I absolutely love the way you write it’s just magical!!! You are totally amazing!!

  29. A-MAZING. I loved it from Holder’s POV. It’s the best first kiss in the history of first kisses without even kissing. I didn’t even know I can get so hot by just reading about 2 people dry humping. Really Colleen, your writing can do that. You are an incredible writer. I love Hopeless. I’m telling everybody about this book. Your writing is breath taking, LITERALLY.

  30. Colleen Hoover, did I tell you “you’re the best”? If not, then let me take this opportunity to tell you…YOU. ARE. THE. BEST!!!! Loved it!! Thank you for such an AMAZING gift!! Live you, love you!! :DDD

  31. My heart oh my, my heart can’t take it. Several days after reading Hopeless and I’m sucked right back in like the story never ended. Thank you so much for this gift. There aren’t too many stories where I’m desperate for the guys pov, Hopeless is a huge exception. The whole time I was reading it I wanted no needed to know what was happening in Holder’ s head. Of course knowing what I know now that couldn’t happen. Thank you again Colleen!

  32. Thank you so much, I just got Internet after 5 days w/o it and what a welcome back! Hopeless was amazing and this little bit of Holders story, Wow! Thanks and keep up the beautiful stories you are writing….

  33. So amazing!!! I love knowing his thoughts on the kiss. Ugh!!! Sitting in the doc office reading this with the goofiest smile. People probably think I’m crazy.

  34. Thank you so much for writing such a wonderful book! I am a mommy of 2 and finished the book in 2 days (a first). I couldn’t put it down. Like your other readers, I found myself holding my breath while reading your “Christmas present”. How do you do that?!?! I know you wrote this as a standalone, but I also want to know more. Sky and Holder are so young. How do they transition back into everyday life? I also loved the relationship between Sky and Six. And also the relationship between Sky Holder, and Breckin. I also wonder what life will be like for Sky and Karen. I felt you did an amazing job of tying up all “loose ends” but I still want to know more. I have been unable to start a new book because I am still processing Hopeless. Please consider writing a second book! Thanks for the wonderful escape!

  35. I agree that we need Holders’ POV. He was gone…..a lot. We need to know what he was doing all those missing moments!!!!!!

  36. Holy hell!! You never cease to amaze me when I read your writing. I absofreakinglutely loved Hopeless and this scene from Holder’s POV is even better. Thank you! Of course, I know this was just a bonus scene, but I will join the ranks of the other fans and beg for more!! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and wish you a blessed New Year!

  37. Wow!!! Just finished the book tonight and then wanted to read Holder’s angle. I couldn’t put it down. Amazing!! Thank you!!

  38. Bought Hopeless as a Christmas present to myself….. LOVE IT…. thank you for your Christmas present…… LOVE IT….. (please write book 2)

  39. Thank you for Holder’s POV. Like everything you write, this was a wonderful gift. If you’re feeling generous again any time soon, I’d be interested in hearing his POV after reading the text that was meant for Six. :-)

  40. When i first considered purchasing this on my nook i was a little leary because of the young age bracket ….i thought what the heck is a 52 year old woman going to find appealing about this story….wellllllll im so happy i went with my instinct and read and read and read and when there was no more reading left i felt like i just lost my bestest friends in the whole wide world!…thank u so much Colleen…i hope you consider a sequal…but for now im hooked, so its on to my nook to purchase (Slammed)….:)

  41. Just finished Hopeless today…read it in less than 24 hours. I was so surprised and excited to check out the website and see this treat. Thank you!!
    I’m going to miss Holder and Sky :(

  42. Ive literally just posted on my fb that everyone should read Hopeless and I loved reading your blurb from Holdens point of view. I think it would be a fabulous idea to have a whole book from Holdens side….just saying. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE?!!!!

  43. Since May I have read 47 novels. (And to think… I used to hate to read!). This novel exceed any thoughts or expectations that I might have had before I read it! I read it in less than 24 hours. I loved how everything within this novel was real… Sky, Hope, Holder, Karen, and Les. There were times where I was laughing, smiling like a goofy teenager, and crying at what happens in our lives- past and present. I love how our past effects our future, but we have to embrace it and move forward. I have read Slammed and Point of Retreat as well…. And There are def. in the top 15 of my 47 books, but this is #1. I honestly want to read it again as soon as I stop typing! And this nice Christmas gift was beyond appreciated!

    1. You sound like me. I just started reading in June and have amassed well over 50 books since then. I also read this in less than 24 hrs!

  44. Colleen – Thank you so much for the gift! I finished Hopeless less than 24 hours ago and could not wait so that I could read this scene. I absolutely loved it! Thank you again!

  45. You have a way of taking my breath away. Your words, your incredible stories. I only hope that all people will find their way to your books. You have a Very SPECIAL Gift! Thank you! Love Holder’s POV! “Firsts,” Awesome…….

  46. You definitely have an amazing gift of making me feel every word you write. I am an avid reader and very few of them capture what you are capable of. Please keep it up!

  47. This book is completely amazing. Wait…
    Allow me to deflate your ego
    This book is totally and completely hopeless. You sure did name it right!! :) Thank you for writing such amazing books.

  48. That was great. I just finished the book in record time as I could not put it down! I came to the website looking for more so was a great surprise to get this little bonus of Holder. Awesome. Please keep writing.

  49. So cant wait to read you new book :) … Congrats Colleen for hitting #2 …. Hope you and ur family had a wonderful White Christmas

  50. OK – so I just finished Hopeless and feel compelled to write my first ever ‘Thank You’ to an author…so “THANK YOU”!!!
    I started the book yesterday and could not put it down! I can only remember this happening to me a handful of times in my life (and I’m a reading/writing addict). The writing was superb. The story line captivating. But the characters touched me on the very first page and completely saturated my soul by the last page. I laughed. I cried. I felt the memory of first my kiss as if it happened just last week (and let me tell you that it was MANY years ago – I’m 48!). I know the sacrifices your family and friends make when writing and you’re a roll – so a great big ‘Thank You’ to them as well for being supportive and allowing you to give the rest of us this trully GREAT book!

  51. OK, As I just read Jean’s post (above) I could have written the same exact thing! Right down to our age!!!! ANyway, I want to Thank Colleen so much for writing this book! I could NOT put it down! I LOVED how he was her rock! He was so attentive after the beginning when he was so mysterious! I had the gamut of emotions going on which I love in a book! I actually Laughed Out Loud and cried and every emotion in between! What a JOY to find his POV here! Got me all hot and bordered again! PHEW! Now I have to go on to the first two books written! Can’t wait to get into them!!!

  52. Love, love, LOVE! Keep writing. It’s so nice when words can make your whole day better and every time I read something of yours that’s exactly what happens.

  53. So freakin amazing!!! I love him I love them, I was holding my breath the whole time I wish I could feel that way! you are an amazing writer thank you for that! I love his POV could be another book ;)

  54. I have never been a big reader, but once I opened this book, I could not put it down! What a beautiful, amazing, funny, heartwrenching, horrible, and loving story. I was blown away!!! I loved this POV from Holder! Thank you for writing it. Keep writing so that I can continue enjoy reading.

  55. OMG, that was perfect. As if I weren’t already in love with Holder, now Im just over the moon with him. I would love to see a scene where he actually realized its her. The bracelet scene! I would love to know what went through his head at that moment. Orrrrrr… the whole story from him POV would be just fine too.. LOL! Sorry, sorry.. I know its crazy but this story was so amazing I just want more and more! Hopeless was the best and after the first page I knew I would add it to my Favs list! You’re awesome. Thanks for the Christmas gift. Hope you have a wonderful holiday!

  56. Amazing. I am in love with everything you write. You are awesome. I have just written a review on Slammed on my blog which I have been wanted to do for ages and Hopeless is our Book of the Week which we will be reviewing soon. I love anyone to stop by check it out at Books Inside My Bubble if you have time.

    P.S We are all waiting with excited anticipation for part three of slammed I am totally in love with Will so I know this will only make my obsession with him worse!!! :)

  57. HOLY HOTNESS!!! That scene was far better in Holder’s POV. I fell in love with this book!! Couldn’t put it down. Thank you for this!!

  58. Colleen, Thank you!!! Just finished Hopeless last night and discovered this today. What a treat, thank you, and NEVER stop writing!!! Enjoyed all your books! If I could just ask you for one thing: please write faster!!! 😜😊

  59. I don’t know which version of this scene I enjoyed more… Both were so incredible! I just want to read more from Holder’s POV now! I’m addicted in the best way, in a way that has my fiancé completely jealous of a fictional character. Thank you Colleen!

  60. All I can say is THANK YOU! at least i know i am not the only one a little obssessed with how Holder felt going through all this. AMAZING isnt even a strong enough word!

  61. *Let me take a few oxygen-deprived gasps first*

    Oh. My. God. I just finished Hopeless and after I got my breath back, and wrote a review, I came here to stalk your blog (not stalk stalk *grins* ) only to have my breath taken away, again. This is such an incredible gift, Colleen! Thank you so much!

  62. Wow. Wowowowowow. Wow!

    You are such an amazing writer, Colleen! And that imagination of yours, to be able to create such mesmerizing characters and story plot just blows my mind away. Thank you for this bonus chapter! I know this is meant to be a gift to us readers but I sincerely hope you reconsider writing the book in Holder’s POV. You owe it to Holder! (I’m just kidding =p)

    I just hope you truly grasp how your writing has affected your readers, well, at least me. After reading Slammed and Point of Retreat, I wrote a slam! After reading Hopeless, I just wanted to lay on the pavement and stare up the sky! And I did, last night for a couple of minutes before the mosquitoes ate me up.

    I just want you to know, if you haven’t already, that you have an extraordinary gift with that head of yours and I hope you continue to write books that will not only entertain readers but will also inspire them. From the bottom of my hypothalamus, thank you.

    Okay, enough with the ego boost. This book is really boring and I was yawning the whole time I read it. (I hope commenting on a blog post is still considered a text form =p)

  63. I absolutely love your books!!! And I adored this special treat from”Holders Vantage Point” amazing really! Thank you for that!

    I plow through your books so fast I find myself re-reading them often:)

  64. I absolutely loved Hopeless! Loved Holders point if view. He us an intense guy fir sure. U are such a joy to read. I read till 12am last night. Then woke up at 3am because I just had to finish it. I cried for the last 20 min I read!! Your words were amazing. They went straight to the heart and I felt everything Sky felt. This was one of the best books I’ve every read! Thank you so much!

  65. This was freakin AWESOME!!! OMG! I just fell in lust with Holder all over again! Please think about writing a sequal! Pretty,pretty please! It was such an achingly beautiful story that it simply needs to be continued in my opinion! Put that brilliant mind to work one more time for us Colleen Hoover!!!

  66. This scene was so intense, and seeing it from Holder’s POV just makes it that much more incredible!!! Thank you for this wonderful present, Colleen!!!

  67. Incredible!!…… first kiss I’ve ever experienced!!! Absolutely incredible!! Thank you for this wonderful story!! You really know how to create magic in your books!!

  68. I would love to read a sequel to Hopeless to see what their future has in store and I’d love the return of Six!

    Also I was interested why Holden didn’t let Sky meet his mom and what the deal was with saying he never let girls meet her? I thought there was going to be a big reason but I’m not sure if I missed something?

  69. This was FABULOUS!! Thank you for writing it! I have been ALL OVER your site, and didn’t see this until this morning! Thank you for the birthday present! It’s my birthday today, (Jan 6th!) so this is my present! LOVED, LOVED, LOVED THIS AND THE BOOK!!! WOW!!! A few cold showers, or stepped outside into the snow to cool off!!! LOL!! Wow! You know how to write some HOT scenes!
    Your writing is AMAZING! How you get us connected with the characters immediately! Wow! I felt like I knew Sky immediately! I was SO glad to see a teen throwing a fit like she did, as I did that a time or two myself at that age! LOLOL!!!
    It was GREAT to have a stand-a-lone book like this! I think you covered ALL the bases just perfectly! You don’t always want to fill in ALL the blanks! Let the Reader’s imagination wonder about things, just like you did! PERFECT!
    I LOVE that you are a Realist because it shows in your writing. That’s what makes the connection SO relatable and the books so PERFECTLY WRITTEN!
    CONGRATULATIONS to YOU!!!! #5 on the New York Times Best Seller List today!!! It’s on my blog! I highlighted you and the book! I also wrote a very nice thing about you and the books on Facebook and Tweeted it, too! LOVED this book!
    HOPING the next ones can be a little more like this!
    ANY way you write them, they are AWESOME!
    Colleen, you CAN WRITE!
    PLEASE keep writing!!!
    Thank YOU!!!!

  70. Amazing, loved this book so much, it is one of my books that I will read over and over again. Colleen your an amazing author. Can’t wait to read future books that you write.

  71. Please, please please!!!! This is too good to end. I love Holder. you need to write another book about them. This scene from his point of view was so buterflingly amazing!!! As soon as i got the email that you did his POV I had to stop writting my english paper to read it and it was so worth it.

    PLEASE write another book about them. :-)

  72. i agree..we need to hear holders pov from the beginning…just like u did for the slammed/ point of interest books….i really hope u have already been considering it….please…please…continue his pov


  73. Wow! I just finished the book today and I absolutely LOVED it! What an amazing story! I love that they found eachother after 13 years! Holder is so romantic and I love their passion for eachother! You always amaze me, but this was over the top! Amazing, just amazing! Will there be another installment in their story????!!!!

  74. It is not often that I am compelled to write to an author after having read his/her book. Your book Hopeless changed that for me. I read it in one sitting. I simply could not stop turning pages and reading. I laughed and cried many tears. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. I am amazed to hear that you wrote your first book in just one month. I will be purchasing those two books straight away.
    You inspire me to get back to writing. I have been writing short stories and poetry since I was eight years old. I have published several stories and won some poetry contests but nothing in the past 3 years. About 13 years ago I was diagnosed with Lupus, a seizure disorder, and I have since developed Liver issues from all the medications and Type 2 Diabetes from the damage to my pancreas. My brain gets foggy so I lost confidence in my writing ability. However, in the past couple months I told myself I should start writing again. I quit my teaching job when my health was bad enough that I could no longer drive and feel confident teaching. The joy and sense of pride I would feel if I could finish the book I have been working on and pubish it through amazon would be intense. I applaud you for not only publishing but keeping this blog and encouraging others like me.
    May you have a blessed year.
    By the way- I think the donations are a really amazing way to start out 2013.
    Hugs to you,


  76. Oh man! This was great! I LOVE reading from the guys point of view and “Holder” did NOT disappoint! This whole book was just fantastic I ate it up over Christmas break! Thank you for this little look into Holders mind. :)

  77. LOL. I love all the warnings before the post. Danger, Will Robinson! DANGER!!! TURN BACK. TURN BACK, NOW!!!! Your eyes might literally melt in their sockets! Do Not. I repeat, DO NOT READ! heehehe. Thanks! that’s was awesome.

  78. I…I…uummm…you…there are no words. that was simply amazing. you are one of my absolute favorite authors, I don’t hesitate to buy anything you write. Thank you for your incredible gift of writing. And this scene was beyond words.

  79. I want to read more about holder’s point of view!! Especially when they 1st kiss as a couple!, his feelings when sky blurtd out the boyfriend word… argh!! I want more!! :)

  80. LOVE IT!! <3 I want more though!! I hope you decide to give us more from holder's point of view, or even better…. add another book for the Hopeless series!!!!

  81. I felt every. single. bit. of that! The emotion, the passion, the love… ahhh… that was awesomeness! Thank you for that wonderful treat!

  82. Colleen…Thank you for the belated Christmas Gift…this is just what I needed after finishing Hopeless yesterday. I know you said it was just one part that you wrote, but I sincerely hope that you change your mind and PLEASE write Hopeless from Holder’s POV. I guess you can just say that I am Hopeless for this story. I’m sure there is a lot more from his POV. Thank you so much for sharing and writing. Never stop…

  83. Oh this was just………(I am speechless). No matter what you give us it is nothing short of awesome!! If you ever decide to give us another gift again I would like to request Holder’s POV when he see’s the bracelet!!! I don’t know if my heart will be able to stand it but just to feel what he feels…….

  84. Truly wonderful…thanks so very much for writing and sharing your talent!! I look forward to reading your future books!!!

  85. I absolutely LOVE this book!!!!! I read the whole book in 7 hours, I was so sad when it was over and decided to read it 2 more times. But I must say, Holders POV is breath taking. I’d Love to read the whole book in his POV

  86. Wow, not that I didn’t adore Holder before … But this made be dangerously fade to LOvING Holder and his compassion for the life he faces even inspite of what he’s faced in the the past. Sigh… I smelted for sure over him now. ;-)

  87. Loved this from Holder’s pov, to even feel how conflicted he was over finally finding Hope but not wanting it to be her because he didn’t want to ruin Sky’s life, just amazing. Would LOVE anything else on these wonderful characters. So excited to have found this!

  88. I’ve been holding on to this until I finished Hopeless. Whoa, this was gooood! So thanks for this Christmas gift, even if I did ‘open’ it a little late. *shiver* Yum!!!

  89. I just finished the book & then his side of the best part of the book! I have got to say this book really wrapped around me! Thank you Colleen for sharing this with the world. “Holder & Sky” are great charters & i absolutely LOVED the book!!

  90. Just read Hopeless and it was absolutely beautiful/amazing… The connection these two characters had was soo heartfelt, I could not put it down. Thank you for the great read I really do hope there might be another book!

  91. wow…that’s all i got, just wooooooow. i almost passed out becuz i didn’t realize i was holding my breath the entire time.

  92. Thank you so much for Sky and Holder. I love the book and so does my daughter. What an amazing late holiday gift! Can’t wait to see what happens next.

  93. I must admit I was a bit bummed when I realized this story was over, I kept looking at side bar thinking wow there is so much yet to come! IThen i got to the end and realized it was all the reamarks left to read! LOL loved reading Holders POV, it would make a great story as well! Thank you for releasing this, and loved meeting you in Fairview this year!

  94. I was reading some comments and how people say they think the F word degrades the book. I think it gives it character. I mean if it’s a very soulfull and wonderful scene the character’s language I think is very important. No one, especially when thier pissed or being sexy or just having a conversation is not gonna be using proper language. Great job and I think reading holder’s point of view just put’s the cherry on top of a very very very outstanding book. Thank you.

  95. Really, the F word? Come on! They are 18 years old. I’m pretty sure most teenagers use that word. To me (and I have a teenager – 2 actually) it’s realistic. Loved this book! Still have my book hangover a week later!

  96. Oh my lord Ms. Hoover, you’ve done it again! This was fantastic! I just finished reading Hopeless for the third time and I cannot even begin to explain how excited I got when I saw this. You are an absolutely incredible writer, and I cannot wait to read your other books! :)

  97. OMG!! I loved hopeless I could not put it down this afternoon. I literally read it non stop but then again it was the same for slammed and point of retreat. I have to admit Hopeless is by far my favorite of the three. Slammed and point of retreat have now been passed on too my closest girlfriends with the warning of do not read before bed or you will have a book hangover from lack of sleep. I love having that and not many books give me that. But yours always do, I can not wait for holders point of view. Just read this little part is crazy good. Plus the Challenge accepted part made my husband laugh which to get him to read anything is like pulling teeth so cograts your the first author to ever get my husband to read something that wasn’t on a syllabi. I can’t wait to read more from you. I can’t wait for Losing Hope.

  98. Holy Crap, Coleen! That was amazing! I definetely had a book hangover this week! I loved getting Holder’s POV, actually, LOVE Holder. Period-it just wraps the story.

  99. Collen…I have read all your books….this one is going to be incredible…I cant wait!!! I CANT WAIT FOR HOLDER….

  100. Ooh I just loved this Colleen! I just can’t WAIT for for July to get here and read the entire book! All good things are worth waiting for. :) LOVE all of your books Colleen. You are so talented.

  101. oh my good, it’s so incredibel lovely. I love it and I love both of them. I don’t know how I feel right now, but it’s an awesome gift you gave us here.Thanks for writing Holder’s POV – I even love him more now and I thought this would be impossible after I finished ‘Hopeless’.
    Oh god – I need to get ‘Losing Hope’!! THANKS, it’s amazing

  102. Not sure how I misses this all these months! But so glad I found it!, now I absolutely CAN NOT WAIT for Losing Hope <3

  103. OMG! that was sensational, exceptional, amazing, over the top beau and severely and damagingly beautiful. THANK YOU SO MUCH. LOVED, LOVED and LOVED, did I say I loved it? I mean, I LOVED and LOVED it.

  104. Amazing. When I read Hopeless, I was blown away. I mentioned so and more in my review here:
    Colleen Hoover, your writing is just… phenomenal. Hopeless is the first book I’ve read by you, and I’m hooked. I just want to sit down, read Losing Hope then your Slammed series. Thank you so much for writing because you are definitely one of my new favourite authors.

  105. More than two years later but still beautiful. I’m just re-exploring your world, Colleen, because Hopeless was published two days ago in Czech Republic. Now, let’s go on Losing Hope :-) See you….and thank you!

  106. Oh my!! I can’t believe that I didn’t get to read this before. I love love Holder and Sky! It’s nice to re-live their moments. Thank you for this Collen! 💗 ya!

  107. This is the first book I have read since last Spring and it couldn’t have been better. I am obsessed. All I do is recommend it to my friends and there is no other word to describe how I feel about it than obsessed. I was just telling my friend about it and googled a blog and couldn’t believe I found this excerpt! I am totally reading Holders point of view soon! After reading this book I am I’m need of one day finding a Holder to fall in love with. You’re an amazing writer.

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